Change

As Charlotte is approaching her first birthday, I am reminded of how much things change once you have a baby. Here is a list of a few things that have changed for me since having my first baby, three and a half years ago.

1. My heart actually grew... and continues to grow.
   
2. My heart breaks more easily.


3. I worry more about my kids appearance than my own.


4. Every day I solve 1,000,000,000 problems.
   
5. Every day I answer 1,000,000 questions.


6. I yearn for a few minutes of alone time, but miss them terribly when they are away.


7. I have a new respect for parents, especially my own.


8. I now look at other children as "somebody's baby."


9. Taking a long shower is a luxury.


10. I want to look like I have it together, when really I can't even get out the door complete.


11. Eating out is not as much fun as it used to be.


12. I look at my baby in the mirror instead of myself.


13. My 42" HDTV strictly plays kid programs.


14. Every day is a surprise!


15. I would rather buy new clothes for my kids instead of myself.


16. My kids are more "stylish" than me.


17. I can read the same book over and over and over and over...


18. Bath time isn't just for cleaning - it's a whole new adventure.


19. I know that giving up those skinny jeans was worth it.


20. I realize that I am much stronger than I ever thought possible.


21. I once believed I was fearless, but now am afraid.


22. The sacrifice I thought I made no longer seems like a sacrifice.


23. I have choices, but not really.


24. My dog is really just "my dog."


25. Nap time is priceless.


26. I never get tired of hearing my babies call me "mommy."

Tears

Last night I had tears in eyes. Tears of joy, sadness, excitement, surprise, admiration and pride.

Charlotte took her first real steps AND said "mama." She'd taken a few steps before while Craig and I encouraged her to 'walk' between us on the floor. Mostly she would take a step and then lunge towards us with a big smile. She loves the little game of walking back and forth between mommy and daddy.

Tonight was different. She would get up on her own and then take a few steps towards us. We slowly started moving backwards so that she had to take 10 steps to reach us. She did it without lunging too. After almost 5 minutes - smiles and all, she said, "Mama" while walking towards me. I was so proud. I just couldn't help it - my eyes were full of tears.

Tears of joy - my little girl is doing so well!
Tears of sadness - my little girl isn't a baby anymore.
Tears of excitement - my little girl is growing up.
Tears of admiration - my little girl can do it.
Tears of pride - my little girl is amazing!

Our Time

I'm trying to ween my 9 1/2 month old daughter from her mid-morning feeding.

At her 9 month pediatrician appointment, the doctor said she should only be nursing twice a day, not our usual four. Four just seems so perfect for us. When she wakes up, before the mid-morning nap, afternoon nap and just before bed. It's our routine and it's worked her whole life. Now we need to mess up our special time together. It may occasionally be interrupted by an older brother, but for the most part this is ours. I want to nurse her until her first birthday. Do I really need to start weening already?

This is our time! Mommy and baby time. No one else in the world can give her the same nurturing. We make eye contact in silence. We feel each others warmth and gentle touches. She plays with my hair, feeling the familiar strands. Our smells unite. Our bodies unite. She feels safe in my arms and I in hers. Nursing is a big commitment and not the most glamorous job. But it's a special bonding period that can never be replaced. I know that this will only last a few more months and I cherish every moment. The world stops and it's just us.

Poor baby, she's been crying in her room. I go in to rock her and she falls back asleep. But as soon as I put her down, she wakes up again and is upset. She's usually so easy to put down, I've never had to let her "cry it out." This has been the longest 30 minutes.

She stopped and fell asleep. It was heartbreaking. Can I do this again tomorrow?
I hate to hear her cry.

A puddle? No, a lake.

It was only 8:12 in the morning.

I had swept the entire downstairs floors and was ready to tackle the last room - the utility room which is always the worst due to kitty litter, but the smallest. It was still early and we had a lot to do today. As I walked towards the bathroom, I peeked around the door and smelled a foul urine odor. My son had JUST gone to the bathroom so I assumed he had "forgotten" to flush the toilet. No such luck. As I stepped inside, my bare foot fell into a cool wet puddle. A puddle? No, a lake. It was a small lake in the middle of my bathroom floor! The floor around the toilet was completely drenched in pee. The pee reached three of the four walls and was close to trickling out the door.

Disgusting!

I was furious. He has been potty trained for over a year. He KNOWS what he's doing and what he just did. What should I do? This was done to get attention. Do I give him the attention he wants or ignore the entire situation? Do I put all of my anger and frustration aside and walk away calmly? Sorry, not today.

Poor kid. I love my son. He makes me laugh and smile every day. And today, he got the attention he was looking for.

As I sat on the stool in the bathroom, he cleaned up his mess. He got out old rags to wipe the tile floor. Then rags to clean the floor with soap and water. And to make me feel a little better, he had to get a brush and "scrub" the floor. He reluctantly did what I asked while trying not to get wet... he doesn't like to get his clothes dirty. How ironic.

It was now only 8:22. We still had the rest of the day ahead of us. Hopefully he got his "attention" fix.

Things I love...

I love...
I love God.
I love my husband, my son and my daughter.
I love my mom and dad.
I love my sisters and brother and brother-in-laws.
I love my family.
I love my dog and my cats.
I love being a stay-at-home mom.
I love that I was a teacher for 7 years.
I love the colorful fall leaves and crisp autumn days.
I love Notre Dame football.
I love pizza.
I love cake.
I love birthdays.
I love hearing my kids laugh.
I love kissing my babies good morning and good night.
I love listening to rain.
I love blue sky's and sunny days.
I love talking with my girlfriends.
I love holding my baby close.
I love holding hands.
I love knowing secrets.
I love dancing when nobody is watching.
I love singing when nobody is listening.
I love looking at pictures.
I love the smell of my baby's breath.
I love date nights with my husband.
I love watching movies at home.
I love seeing my kids smile.
I love hearing a little voice calling me mommy.
I love a clean house.
I love getting flowers.
I love quiet mornings.
I love my freedom.
I love my faith.
I love watching my children play.
I love feeling the warmth of a hug.
I love being a mom and a wife.
I love being Thomas's mom.
I love being Charlotte's mom.
I love being Craig's wife.
I love who I am.